Valentine’s Day: The Hilarious Gift That Keeps on Crying

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Welcome to February, which houses the special “Valentine’s Day.” Ah, Valentine’s Day – the day of love and romance, chocolates, overpriced bouquets of roses, and candlelit dinners. This is the day that lovers are looking forward to, with others already planning the itinerary for the 14^th.

With all the romance of the day, that often follows with sweet nothings being whispered in your ears, there is a catch no one tells you about…. while you might whisper on the day “Baby, go on,” nine months later, you could be whispering “Please, just go to sleep.”

I know this because, well, the last time I ‘celebrated’ the pagan holiday, my gift was never in the form of Ferrero Roche or a teddy bear like others. Mine came in the form of a midnight crying alarm clock that now calls me Mummy every five seconds. It quickly changed from being a night of passion to a lifelong contract of raising a human who didn’t even bother to steal my face while he drools on my shoulder.

If you ask some mummies, they will tell you their fate was sealed on Valentine’s Day. This is mostly because no one warns you. Not that you do not know that stupid games have stupid rewards. I’d like to think that we often think the universe will give us a pass on the day. Minds are engrossed in booking dinner reservations early, ensuring you have the perfect outfit, and enough money to splurge on that expensive bottle of wine. What we forget is, if we’re not careful, you’d be buying nappies the next year and not chocolates.

So, if you’re planning for a romantic night this Valentine’s Day, consider this a friendly warning. Love might be in the air, but so are the baby-making angels. Proceed with caution, or at least a solid game plan for the day.

Beware! Valentine’s Day Babies in the Making

When the Gift Has a Heartbeat

I have never been one to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and certainly never been one to make plans for it. Since I started dating, I have always thought the day is filled with clichés and pretence. However, the year my little human was conceived was different, very different. See, Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday, and one thing I never did was miss a good Friday of drinks.

Alas, it is not one cute story of candlelit dinner, chocolates and all. There was wine, a good supply of it. Not one to waste a good drink, it was decided in stone that the year’s Valentine’s Day was going to be one where we drank like never before. What I never expected was that nine months later, I would be doing a lot of diaper shopping.

Fast-forward to a couple of weeks later, I was in the doctor’s office trying to convince her that the symptoms I had were those of the side effects of the COVID vaccine. Imagine my shock when she ordered that I get a pregnancy test done, instead of giving me meds that could stop the vomiting I was experiencing.

I went into the lab still sure that I was fine, until the result came out and right at the bottom read PREGNANCY POSITIVE. Immediately, my mind started making calculations, one could have given me a calculus test at that moment and I would have passed immaculately. I blinked once, closed my eyes, and thought to myself that they were playing games with me. I opened them, and the two words were still there on the paper. No matter how much I tried to will them away, they remained glued.

Oh, you should have seen the smug look on the doctor when he saw the results. She looked like my mother about to say, “I told you so.”

The funny thing is, no one anticipates this kind of Valentine’s aftermath. However, the little bundle is born, and sometimes I look at my child and think, “Look at my Valentine’s present.”

Red Flags to Look Out for on Valentine’s Day

Now, now, the goal here is unexpected parenthood and things to look out for on the day. I am not trying to buzz kill, just looking out for my dear internet friends. Recently, I saw a tweet that said “My Valentine’s gift turns 10 years this year” and I thought, these are unchartered waters that we do not discuss.

I did some research (purely for the sake of this blog post and you), and statistically, Valentine’s Day is the most risky holiday for people who are not thinking of starting their families or expanding them. The Bump suggests there is a 6 percent increase in pregnancies on the week of Valentine’s Day.

There are things to look out for that could end up setting you up. Think about it,

That is the perfect recipe for parenthood, and you buying formula by December.

Now, for those of you whose birthdays fall from mid-November till early December, go ahead and look at your parents sideways. They, too, fell for the trap.

Now, if you stumble on this post after Valentine’s Day has passed, I am sorry that you got no warning. If you are feeling the following:

• Nauseous
• Bloated
• Light-headed
• Moody

I might have bad news for you. You might not be ovulating, it could be that your oven is now fully in bake session. Now, ask yourself if your Valentine’s Day came with the following:

• Did the night include some good soft music that made you feel like you were floating, some yummy red wine, and a “just one more”?
• Did you decide on some ‘Netflix and Chill’ and settled on some 90s rom-com that had you both feeling extra affectionate?
• Did you wake up with no recollection of some of the night’s events, but still feeling happy about the night before?

If your answer is yes to all of these, congratulations are in order.

Valentine’s Day Survival Guide: Dodging a “Bullet”

Romance is nice, but if you are not ready for the 3 a.m nappies change, then we need a good survival guide that should ensure we come out without surprises. Here are some foolproof ways for the day:

• Swap the romantic comedies for some good action or horror movies. You want to go to bed scared out of your wits
• Eat a lot of food. When your tummy is stuffed, no way will you engage in any other activity other than some good sleep
• Gifts should be more practical, nothing that screams ‘I want us to take off our clothes.’ So, no scented candles that will induce a mood, or chocolates, or wine. Better yet, no romantic gateways
• Invite friends over. Nothing kills a mood faster than having a third wheel

Chances are you will not listen to my wise advice, I know I would not. So, if you choose not to listen to me, stock up on you-know-what.

Love is Sweet… But So Is Sleep

At the end of it all, I guess Valentine’s Day is such a beautiful time to celebrate love, but if not careful, it could be the start of the beginning of a journey unplanned. However, it was the beginning of a new love for me. Mine turned into a 3-year-old beautiful boy who wakes me up for juice at midnight.

I hope you have a lovely Valentine’s Day, may it bring you something unexpected. I’m kidding. Or am I?