A Letter to my Son on His First Birthday

It’s Evan’s first birthday, it is one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. To celebrate my baby’s first year, I wanted to write this open letter to him. Hopefully, he can stumble on it in the years to come and enjoy it. For now, you guys get to enjoy it for him. Here goes nothing…

Dear Evan,

I never knew I would love anyone the way I love you. As this is your first birthday, I wanted to pen something to you with hope that you might stumble on this years later. Before I go on, I need you to understand that I love stringing words together, but for this occasion, I am choked up with loss of words.

Let me first tell you that you are one of the happiest people I have ever met in this life. Your happiness has been a shining light in our household since the day you were born. Your laughter puts smiles so big on our faces. I love that you smile not only with your lips, but with your whole face. Each time something intrigues you, your face lights up, you get a few crinkles, but most importantly, you smile with your eyes.

Seeing you turn a year old is so bittersweet, I am so happy that you get to grow older and experience more things. But I am a bit sad, because somehow, if I had a will I would turn back time to your first moms. I would love to experience all your firsts again and again.

Like the first time you made a sound other than crying. I was so filled with happiness, I started biting your ear off. Our bestfriendship was sealed on that day. Today, you bite my ears off (literally lol), you are such a talker. You love to scream, laugh, and scream some more.

The first time you wrapped your fingers on my thumb was special to me. Having your little fingers cling to me reminded me that I had to guide you through this life. Something I am glad to do.

The first time you clawed was fun. You wore your adventurous hat, getting to places within the house that you had only seen from above. It also meant the start of getting your independence from me. You have fallen so many times, but all that’s helped is making you smarter in navigating.

I know there are many more first things to experience with you in the days ahead, I guess somehow I am just not ready yet. But these are memories I will hold on to for dear life.

The funniest thing is how afraid you are when around men, you are so used to being around women that their deep voices and beards just makes you nervous. I know this will go away as you grow older, but it is something I was wish to laugh with you someday.

Your life has been a gift to me, I forever remain indebted to God for you. Somehow, you fit in in our family so easily than I had thought. In the year you have been with us, you have taught us so many lessons. You have taught us to be in the moment, because that’s what matters.

You have taught us to smile more, to find the humor in the smallest things and just laugh. It’s beautiful that even on my difficult days, the thought of you leaves a smile on my face. That is something I will forever be grateful for.

You have also taught us patience. God know your grandma and I are not the patient kind, but we’ve learned to be more calm, collected, and a bit more understanding.

Speaking of your grandma, I must say, you’ve made me experience another version of her I never knew existed. Seeing her love towards you is beautiful. You are her flower, and I am happy you are able to grow up around her and her love.

Funny story, you might call me by my first name because she has made it clear you are her last born. But I am not complaining one bit.

My daily prayer is for you to grow with all the love around you, for the world to be kind to you. I pray you grow in wisdom, and in faith.

The most important thing to always remember is that wherever you are, but heart and love is with you.

My beautiful boy, happy birthday.

Forever and always,

Mama.