Speeding through breakup thoughts
I’m hungry, for food. But, I know it’s not hunger for physical food. I’m denying my soul the feelings I have, the pain, the heartache, the vacuum, because I am missing this man. Breakup thoughts consume me. And my heart is doing this gut-brain connection set up. My body wants me to change something, and the easiest path is for me to hunger for a midnight snack. Simply because I won’t allow my mind to hunger for him.
It’s quite scary because I can actually see a life with him. I see us in our house with 3 children and 2 dogs. Living by the coast. And I want to cry because I never wanted this before him. Because I have now made his dreams mine.
I smell you…in my dreams I smell you
No, I don’t remember or imagine what you used to smell like.
I smell you.
It is tangible, it is real, it is you.
I smell you…in my dreams I smell you, and
When I’m awake I smell you
I miss you. I want to breathe you, see you, touch you.
But I rest in this…
I smell you
I have to let go
I have to let go
Leave vacant the space he occupied and
Allow someone more ‘ like me’ to come in
I have cried everyday since Valentine’s day, in snippets. So, I need a good solid cry-until-my-eyes-are-bloodshot-cheeks-are-burning-and-no-tears-left-to-cry session. Then I’ll be alright.
I had a dream about him today.
We lived together, harmoniously.
Oh, when your pre-conscious mind betrays you; and
When breakup thoughts turn into make-up dreams.
I miss him, and it hurts
I haven’t had a dream about him since the last time, and, I’m so grateful; because it’s allowing me to move on. No breakup thoughts, no dreaming.
My heart is betraying me and I hate it so much. I miss the guy so much it hurts. I find myself fighting with all my strength to not contact him. To tell him it’s okay. To tell him that I’ll take him as he is. I’ll be submissive, quiet, cook and clean and have his babies and… I won’t complain or nag about anything. I’ll… I’m tired.
It’s time I move on.
About the Author:
MathithaT is a new blogger, whose writing focuses on personal life challenges, lessons, and truths found as she embarks on life. She posts weekly to her blog blackandgoldblog.com and is currently writing a series on her journey through her career in medicine.
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