Initially, these letters were meant to be for the exes, but I chose to write a letter to someone I had no business of falling in love with. He is not an ex at all, but I flame I am glad to have encountered him. If he ever gets to read this (he will considering I will send him a link), I hope you remember that till this day, I still give you your flowers.
Is it not funny how we moved past all the drama from our past, worked our differences, and were able to build a friendship? From everything I did, I never expected you to ever open your heart and forgive me. But again, you showed me how mature you were and dealt with it all gracefully. For that, I am thankful.
You know this already, but you came into my life at the wrong time. At the time, I was still dealing with issues of the first relationship drama. Like the man you are, you were straightforward with your intentions but were very respectful and settled for friendship instead. I guess that was how I first got attracted to you and your personality. And man, were you a good friend to me.
I look back now and think of how I might have tired you emotionally because you were always there to hold me up when my world seemed to be crashing. I grew such a dependency on you emotionally that it became clear to me that it was not healthy. Considering that I was already with someone at the time. That was the first time i cut you off.
Letter to Someone I had No Business Falling In Love With…..
When you did decide that you were done with my bullshit, you walked back in and I let you. Somehow, I still felt like I was not ready to explore a relationship with you. I felt it would ruin everything we had built, to date, I do not regret my decision. This time, you left regardless of the many times I asked you to stay.
That hurt me more than ever, perhaps the first time I was able to confront my actual feelings towards you. I knew I felt different about you, way different than I felt for the first guy I dated. There were butterflies or dragons in my tummy each time I thought of you. I was vulnerable around you, fully ripped my walls, and allowed you to actually know me. Something I was incapable of with other people. That was when I knew that I was in deep waters.
My pride never made me change my mind though. I went on to enter the second relationship of my life. I decided to leave your memory behind because I was very sure that you would never come back. But you did, for the third time, you entered my life with no ease. Came back like someone who had taken a vacation and was coming back home. I hated that I let you in, but a part of me was thrilled.
Again, you took the role of emotional support when I was down. I did enjoy our time this time though, way more than the other times. I remember printing your photos and having them in my hardcovers. Late-night calls that were sponsored by TNM’s 99.9% Yanga Bundles. We would speak for hours on end, and sometimes, we would find solace in just the quiet on the phone.
You truly were my best friend, someone I could easily confide in. I allowed fate to have its way with us. I figured that maybe that could be the best decision to make. But it wasn’t, and this time, I was the one to walk away.
I walked away and that was difficult. But I had to wear my big girl undies and realize that you were someone that I had no business falling in love with. It just seemed like our paths just could not align no matter how hard we both tried. And I was tired of trying for something that seemed to not have been in God’s works.
This is what hurt you the most. I just upped and left with no explanation. Remained nonchalant when you were leaving the country because I was scared that I would backtrack. However, you took it as another piercing to the heart. Even the, you still tried to remain in contact, but soon enough got the hint that I truly had no more energy to wait for magic to set pace.
Being friends with you now, I thank the heavens that we never took a step further. We would not have been able to build a friendship. I look at you and truly believe that I grew mentally just from your existence in my life. I took the lessons from our mess and used them in my relationships. Okay, not all of the lessons, I handpicked okay.
I do wish you luck in your marriage, for I know you will be a good husband.
Ever been with someone you think you had no businesses falling in love with or being with? Let’s laugh at each other in the comment section below.