Dealing with writer’s block and a brief encounter with the recipient made me write a letter to my first boyfriend. I know he might stumble on it, do realize that this does not come from a hard place, just some things I have to let out on the misery of our relationship. So, readers, do enjoy this piece of work.
Dear first boyfriend,
Let me start by saying that the beard you wear now looks hideous on you. It does not do justice to the chiseled face you have, but your brown eyes are consolation to it all. Likewise, the afro you wear is funny, but you are assured that it is the best you have ever looked and I have no choice but to respect it.
How nice it must be for you to read this, me calling you my very first boyfriend regardless of the many times I have denied it in your face. You should know that stroking your ego has never been something I was ever eager to do. But this once, I will accept the fact, but let us move on.
It has been years since you and I were in a relationship. A union that was both a blessing and a curse, and I know you know this. I blame it on our age, you were just a 16-year-old boy, freshly out of high school, drooled over by many girls who would flock to the community ground to watch your team’s soccer team. I was a 14-year-old girl, also fresh out of secondary school, thrown quickly into college so my brain never went numb.
I vividly remember the first time I laid my eyes on you. You were draped in white, walking slowly in front of the priest. I thought to myself, “that is a fine-looking alter boy” You walked with a certain aura as if asking everyone to look at you. Then after service, I caught your smile and knew you were trouble.
The funny thing is, I like trouble and so do you. Even funnier was learning that we stayed in the same location, just a few houses apart. I knew I was attracted to you but believed in so much fate and the fantasies of romcoms. I figured, if you were from Jesus, then things would happen naturally.
Things did happen naturally, but you weren’t really Jesus sent. Instead, you were the devil’s pawn sent to teach me lessons that somehow have stayed with me to date. You were so likable, it was scary. We both were fans of Manchester United and WWE. Both liked the same movies (actions ones), and you took it easy with me.
There were days I would look at you and think “boyfriends are nice, I should have gotten one earlier.” Until the time came when I would think you were satan reincarnated and was in my life to ruin me.
we made it to a year…
How that happened was beyond me. But I remember our first kiss, which should earn me a grin from you. It was new year’s, you had run to my house to wish me a good year at midnight. As you left, we stood by the middle of the little maize farm that was there, a nod from me and your lips were planted on mine. It was a perfect first kiss, a feeling I have used in some of my poems.
I know, stroking that ego again. I should do better.
But that first kiss also meant the beginning of endless hurting. We slowly became something toxic, a relationship with no trust or hope. We unleashed the devils inside of each other effortlessly.
You went from being a sweetheart to something else entirely. My daddy issues suddenly became your weapon of the blame for everything I did. Looking back, I get convinced that I was not the only one with daddy issues, not with your own always dating girls that you once were with. It must have been heartbreaking.
You became a scumbag, a ball of lies. I remember finding the numbers in your phone and wondering who and what they were. Numbers saved as “foreign affairs,” “current affairs,” and “seasonal.” I remember once coming to your training and I kept your belongings with me. Unfortunately, your phone rang and it was Current Affairs. I picked it up wanting to know who it was just to find that it was my friend who you were finessing.
Man, did I feel dumb? Yes, in every sense of the word. The minute she heard me say “hello,” she quickly hang up. But it was all clear to me. I guess I was just blind to all the signs that were there. How she would endlessly say I was lucky to have you as my first boyfriend. You both really took me for a fool.
You really showed me why most girls are always wryly of light skin men.
but you weren’t the only light skin person….
Honey, you weren’t the only light skin person in the relationship, were you? You easily unlocked my own devil, cause even at that young age, I knew two would play the game. I was hellbent on not being the only one to ever hurt. Unfortunate for you, you started at a college I was already at, making it easy for me.
And man, did you hurt.
I think of it now and I feel bad, it never should’ve gotten there. We never should have played with each other’s emotions so easily as we did. Shouldn’t have played with our trust, because all that did was bring more trust issues.
Regardless, I own it and say I loved you truly. With your light skin, your brown eyes, and your devilish cute smile. But seriously, get rid of the afro and beard goddamn.
I wish you luck, but I wish every other girl you date a strong heart and mind. You will forever be my first boyfriend.
What was the relationship like with your first boyfriend? Share with me in the comments below.