This is the second letter in my letters series. I felt like talking to the creator, so this is my letter to God. Before reading the letter, press play to listen to my new podcast as you read.
It is hard to believe that 2020 only has 48 days before it concludes and bids goodbye. This year has been the slowest, yet fastest year I have experienced. Unfortunately, our relationship hasn’t been the strongest. I still have felt your presence around my surroundings. That is something I am very grateful for.
As you might have noticed, no amends have been made between me and Your church. I know you know why, but considering we have an audience, let me explain a little. Church and I have been at odds for close to 2 or 3 years. I found it to be a hypocritical organisation that often than most goes again the guy they market. It was very heartbreaking to me when I went to church in August this year, wishing for a clean slate. And a few days later, the Catechist raped a 13 year old girl who had gone there for choir practice. What was worse? When women in the church group vilified the young girl to have caused it.
You see God, I had so many questions and curses I wanted to share.
Firstly, you start to wonder how they thought it okay to stand firmly by a rapist while throwing stones to the victim. I was angry. Livid! To make it worse, it was the women who did this, with no shame.
Secondly, you stand to wonder if those that are meant to be the protectors of your word are the actual harm. This was a whole Catechist.
He blamed it on the devil. Sure, Satan is the cause of all evil. But to think that the men and women of the church still neglected the victim and stood even stronger by his side, you start to wonder. Is your church a brainwashing institution that makes people forget what is wrong and right and just choose to go with the flow?
You might be wondering if that came from just this incident. Well, it did not.
I know you are aware of the days when I wanted to be a nun. When my mother was happy that her only child was going to serve you till death. Then suddenly, I started questioning some of your words and actions. I started questioning some of the things that happened in the Scripture, like the grave punishment You gave to Lot’s wife for turning and looking at Sodom and Gomorrah as they burned.
They always answered and said, Fear God. Well, how do I get comfortable with the Man I was meant to serve if our relationship was based off of fear. They advised me not to question You, then why did you give us sense. It felt like brainwashing to me.
So Father, is that how you designed your church? For members to be brainwashed in a way. So they can be people that are not able to express their feelings. Making them suppressed in a way.
If that was the point, then this would best be called a Cult.
Or maybe I am the one at fault. Maybe I do try to make sense of a lot of things that I shouldn’t. Perhaps it would have been best if I just knelt down, praised with not my full heart and wait till the service is done so I can state it on social media.
But, Lord, do you not think we have had the best relationship without the church involved? I have been more honest with you about my fears and wants. What makes me happy and doesn’t. No longer to I fear You as the figure of the church, but now, I see you as a Father, friend and companion.
This marks the end of my letter to you. I hope the angels are singing louder. If those I have lost are sitting by your side, give them my regards. Tell them, I am doing just fine.