Most of us hear self-love and quickly assume it is a land were no insecurities exist, where there is no depression and anxiety, where you will be painted in smiles etc. What I am trying to say is, that is not the case, actually it is so far from the truth. Unfortunately, that is the narrative we have stupidly bought, to the point that when one suddenly attains “self love” and are hit with anxiety, the first thing they do is panic, because suddenly, the narrative they thought they were achieving seems to be failing. If you ever find yourself in such a case, I am sorry to say but maybe (a strong maybe) you never really learned how to truly love yourself.
As I write this, know that I write from a point of learning, I have not learned how to fully love myself yet, but I am on the path. What I write in this blog post is what I have gone through since I told myself to fully love me.
To start this, I want to start off with HAPPINESS. Happiness is what we all want in this life; we want to see ourselves smiling more, worrying less etc. No one likes being sad, no one likes seeing themselves cry. I, for one, look exceptionally ugly when in tears and so yes, happiness is a total goal. However, have you ever thought about the fact that we buy the idea of what ultimate happiness from what we see on the TV, on social media etc. We lie to our minds that my version of happy is the same as the happy that someone showcases on Instagram or Twitter. What we forget is that, while those we idolise show us what happiness looks like, we have different things that would make us all happy. We forget to fully look into our soul and find what gaps we need to fill in order to be happy. It is not about what someone is doing, it needs to be about YOU. They are not YOU, what makes them happy is far from what makes YOU happy.
Then there is the issue of ACKNOWLEDGING INSECURITIES. Most often, for people that are scared to acknowledge what their true insecurities are. I have learned that the world is filled with 2 kinds of people, a) those that are conscious of their insecurities and will either try to work on them or dismiss them, b) those that do not want to know what they are truly insecure of and act indifference because they are afraid of their status quo changing. While both kinds have problems, my biggest problem is with kind #2. For sometime, I used to belonged to that kind, I was scared of truly finding or acknowledging my insecurities, my fear was facing the dark side of me that I kept well hidden. And that is the problem.
Self love is not something you just pluck from the tree. It is not that easy, trust me. It is seen as something that is so easy when other people talk about achieving it, because most will talk about it as something you can buy from a store. It is only when one decides to truly venture in the journey that you learn how hard it is. You have to confront a lot of your darkness; it is not a matter of eliminating the darkness completely, but it requires finding comfort in being with it and making sure it does not over-shadow your light.
It is also being okay with the long period of time that is taken to find that love, it will not happen in a day, a week, month or year, it is an endless process. You need to continuously learn and unlearn what makes you happy or not, what your insecurities are, what your triumphs are and how to better yourself.
Have you found your self-love? What was your journey like? Care to share? If yes, comment below