A Letter To My Second Love: I Wasted Your Time

After the first letter to my first boyfriend, I thought to continue the trend and write a letter to my second love. But, before I get into that, let me thank Bolaji Gelax’s blog for giving me the wonderful idea for these letters. Hope the one I am writing to stumbles on it and reads it too. Enjoy.

Dear human,

As I write this, I have a picture of you in my brain. You are doing the annoying laugh where you’d throw your head back and make sounds like your choking to death. Did I ever tell you how it annoyed me? But, each time you laughed like that, I knew I had hit comedic gold with you.

I should probably start off by apologizing to you for wasting your time. I should, but is it worth it. We are friends who have moved past it, I’d think this is something that you let go of and kept it moving. At least that’s what my pride hopes for. For what it is worth, I am truly sorry.

We met, not coincidentally, but because I had planned it that way. See love, everything about the beginning was my and my friends doing. They had bet that I date you for a month, the daredevil in me could not back down. I never wanted to look like a coward ever, you know this.

So, that meet by the tuck shop was my move. I saw you notice me, give a smile and quickly look away trying not to stare too hard. Cute as it was, I knew I had the bet secured in my hand. After I walked away, I saw you rejoin your group of friends, you were mouthing words and they were giving tiny stares. It was a bull’s eye for me.

I remember you once asked why I was quick to date you? It was the freaking bet. I sailed through the month knowing I had won. On the day I was meant to break it off with you, that’s when the cowardice in me showed up. I just couldn’t do it, I never had the guts to.

For some weird reason, during the month, I had learned so much about you that made me want to stay. But I never should have, should’ve honored the bet and let you go. One thing you know is that I am selfish, so of course, I took the wrong route and decided to stay just a bit longer.

The decision confused my friends, but they respected it. They knew to keep their mouths shut and not truly tell you the truth of it all. But the whole being of our relationship was laced with lies. Lies of me liking you from the word ‘go’; lies of my age, my past relationship, and more.

Before you get it twisted, I did like you. Went on to love you even. The long walks we would take to just talk and refresh; our alcohol adventures, and just how we both loved food.

letter to my second love: it lasted just as long as a pregnancy does

Our relationship lasted just as long as pregnancy does. Merely months into it and I started to ask myself if it was true love or just infatuation. Gave me questions of whether I only had liked you cause you were the opposite of everything that I was. And somehow, being with you meant security.

I had just gotten out of the worst relationship of my young self, and somehow you seemed safe. A safe bet. After months, I started seeing you as boring to my soul. You were so predictable, and I did not like it.

While I had my mind on this, you were also busy doubting me. Somehow, you found out about my age, my past and all. Everything I tried hard to keep from you, you dug up. Unfortunately, it was not enough to make you leave.

And I wanted you to leave so bad!

Remember when I tried to break things off, but you convinced me that I was just a little angry. I stayed because even at that time, you looked too broken and I could not stomach it.

You really were convinced I was the one for you. Funny, you thought you would make a wife out of me. This was regardless of the countless times I told you that I had my mindset on never wanting to get married. Ever.

I really did waste your time, you say it now like a joke but I know you say it from a place of truth. But look at you now. The family man you always dreamed of. You have a picturesque family, a beautiful wife, and two kids. Your dream came true.

So, as much as I am sorry, I am glad you showed up in my life regardless of the childish game I played on you.

With love,

Lou