Friendship is one of the best gifts you get on this cruel earth; being gifted with people to be in your life which you can confide in with no fear of judgment while also knowing that they are there to offer their fullest support is something that is special. However, as I have grown older, I have learned some things about friendships that I never knew before. I decided to share what I have learned, these are:
- Acquaintances NOT Friends
Having to learn which people in my life were mere acquaintances and which were actual friends took me a while. For most of my life, everyone I hung out with was my friend. If we shared a joke, or a drink, maybe used to hang out in school, I would take that person as a friend. It took a few of my low moments to have proper clarity of the people in my life that I depended on. My friends, as few as they are, have seen me in my lowest points while those I take as acquaintances wouldn’t know the slightest of them. Friends are those you rely on 100%, those you are able to fully share all your life’s aspects with, those that hold you down always. And while the realization of who is your actual friend and who is just acquainted to you hurts, one needs understanding and acceptance that that is the actual truth of life.
2. Gotta Keep the Energy Right
I always say to people,
if your energy ain’t aligned to mine, we ain’t friends.
Tough one, but that is what I have learned to value. The energy you get from people signifies the impact they will have on your life. Everyone’s energy is like an aura, you can smell it instantly. Sometimes, the scents align and smell good when combined, but sometimes they are bad. Those that are bad are the ones I have learned to stay away from, it is easier to let go when no connection is made.
3. Values, Norms, all that
Each and every friendship I have had has been guided by values and norms. While these values and norms have never been loudly stated, I have learned that we all just fall in grid and follow them. This also makes me appreciate the silent boundaries that are set and those I have set. It also takes away room for disappointments, while building on trust.
4. Look for Loyalty
Aim to be around people that will be loyal to you as you are to them. I have learned that some people I considered friends would be loyal to me when I was in their presence, yet would stab my back each time I would turn. While loyalty takes time to build, you need to remember point 2 that if the energy is right, then you will get there.
- It is Fine to Let Go
I find it funny when people ask me about some of my past friends and their astonished faces when I say “We are not close anymore.” Usually will be asked ‘why?’ or ‘yáll were too close, what happened?’ and usually my answer is ‘Life happened.’ What this means is that, not all friendships will last till eternity, some will crumble on the way. People come in our lives for different purposes and once that purpose is achieved, they become rather useless to be around. It is alright to let go of those that seem not to fit in your life anymore, that is how we grow and learn. Keep those that fit in. And when you do let go, it is alright to mourn that friendship, you invested in it and it is only right. Mourn it, then pick yourself up and move on.
Friendship is like a song, you and your friends strive to learn the lyrics and when you forget a line, they show up and remind you. If you both forget the lines, you decide to either relearn them together or you trash the song with no hard feelings. It is not the easiest to handle, I cannot count how many times I have wanted to kill my friends for calling me out on my bullshit, but that is love and I appreciate them to it.
What are some of the lessons you have learned about friendships? Drop them in the comment section below