They say that in order to conquer your biggest fears, you have to face them. The reason most of us are not comfortable talking about them is we fear facing them. We often think that talking about them will make them come true. So, we wallow in silence and hope that they never happen. Even if they are inevitable. But, I wanted to face mine. With that spirit, I wanted to share with you just 5 of my biggest fears that haunt me.
Mind you, these are thoughts that take me to dark places. The thought of them angers me and sometimes, breaks me down. But like I said, you fear less when you face them.
My 5 Biggest Fears
1. Losing my mum
My mum and I are joined by the hip. Literally! I am an only child that was raised by a single mum. She raised more like a sister and bestfriend, that the idea of being on this earth one day without her presence scares me. I would be left alone in a world filled with wolves. She is my protector, my shield. Without her, I would be a naked human walking.
2. Never meeting my dad
My dad left the country when I was very little. We reconnected at the age of 10, after losing my stepdad. Since then, we have repaired and worked on our relationship. And I learned to love him as a father. However, most nights I think about the possibility of the universe not allowing us to ever meet in this life. Our relationship has survived on Whatsapp. But, I have the strongest urge to see the man that fathered. It is one of the most uncomfortable thoughts I have.
To know more about my life, you can read Becoming Esther Louisa Msiska a biography untold.
Cont’: My 5 Biggest Fears
3. Never achieving my life goals
I would be lying if I said that each day I wake up and smile cause my dreams are coming to life. In fact, most times I wake up and wonder if I have taken the right path to achieve all my goals and dreams. And in these times, that’s when this fear creeps in. A small voice in the head that mocks me and makes me think I will fail. However, I once stumbled on this quote that I wrote in my journal to push me forward:
“Success isn’t always about greatness. It’s about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come.”– Dwayne “The Rock’ Johnson
4. Inability to write
If I told you that each time I have writer’s block, I have panic attacks, would you believe me? This is the sad truth. And it boils down to this. It breaks my heart to think that I might wake up one day, and suddenly have no words to write. And all that stares at me is a blank canvas. I express myself through my writings, I feel free when I write. So, thinking that one day the writer’s block will be never-ending scares the living lights out of me.
5. Never having my own family
I make it known that I am skeptical of marriage. However, I have hopes of bringing life on this earth and nurturing it. But, more often do I think about the probability of not being able to procreate. One thing I blame myself is not having the courage to go to the hospital for thorough check ups.
These are 5 of my biggest fears, ones that break me down. Although, some of them can be worked on, some are just inevitable. Only hope is that they do not happen soon.
What are some of the fears that grip your heart? Share with me below.